Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi again everyone,

I hope this post finds you well and thankful in advance of the Thanksgiving holiday (for us American bloggers, anyway) tomorrow. Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday, as I enjoy cooking the delicious meal as much as I enjoy eating it. This year there is just three of us for dinner, so it will be a little less elaborate than in past years, but it will be yummy nonetheless. And I will be thankful for all I have—family, cats, health, a job, a roof over my head, wheels to get me places, etc.

So maybe you're wondering what I have been up to, or how I have been doing? I'm sorry that I went AWOL yet again. Things have been... difficult lately, at least on this health and fitness front. Basically, I am sad to say, I haven't been doing anything to improve myself. I've gained even more weight back (don't know exactly how much since the scale died again, but I was up to 332 the last time I weighed), I haven't exercised, and I even took up smoking a pipe (just occasionally, not like all the time, but still I know it is not the best habit to pick up). I'm kind of food obsessed again. I don't really even know quite how to put it into words. It's pretty terrible, but at the same time I'm apathetic about it.

Things aren't so bad that I don't have any clothes to wear, but they've definitely become more snug, and there are jeans I've grown out of. I know I need to nip this and soon. I do see myself coming back. I really, really do.

I have a gym membership that is good through May, and I plan to start using it again, probably before I even take any steps to alter my eating habits again. In my experience, if I start exercising, the good eating habits follow in short order, so that is my plan.

When, you may ask? I want to commit to Monday, and I am going to ask my gym buddy if she will join me for some moral support. In fact, I am going to ask her right this very moment so that I don't bail on that idea.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and look forward to posting here regularly again! I am thankful for you all who read this.

Here I am!

I have so much to say, but I don't have the time at the moment... I will be back later today to fill you in on the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I just wanted to say that the comments I've been getting here and there asking where I am and whether I will be back really hearten me, so thanks. You might just save me from myself.

x's and o's to all...

One Week Down

One week down, however many it takes to go...

It's been a week since I "started up" again, and I'm pleased to say that I am down 3.6 pounds since last Monday, 324 this morning. I mean, I am still not thrilled, but I am proud of myself for nipping it in the bud not once, but twice majorly (remember back in May when I came back here after gaining much of the weight I had lost last year?).

The eating situation is getting better, though I've just acquired an additional part-time job as an artist's assistant that will be pretty intense throughout the month. So that alone will have me more active and eating less overall.

I'm really determined to keep going with this, no matter how long it takes or how much like Sisyphus I feel. I'm hanging in.

Weigh-in: 325.6

I count myself lucky that I came through this week with a little bit of a loss... two pounds is pretty good since Monday, yeah?

I still have a lot of work to do to get myself back on track, though. I haven't been very good with my eating at all. I noticed that it's been a lot of emotional or stress-related eating. Rebellious eating, even. I've definitely been more AWARE of it, though, which is a small step in the right direction.

It's been a weird week. There's been some good developments, but also some crap to process. Most important in all this is that I have yet to lose hope, or faith in myself that I can do what I need to be healthy and happy.

Phew!

Yesterday was mostly a bust, but I got on the scale this morning anyway. Must be some weird hormonal stuff going on, because I saw an almost two pound loss, down to 325.8. And that was after a day in which I ate like four cupcakes and, *ahem* ice cream. Not a great showing at all, but I am in a good mindset for this so I think it will be OK. As long as I take some step each day to get me to my goals, I will be happy.

What may have helped my case yesterday was that after dinner, instead of promptly plopping into my recliner for an evening of television, I decided to deep clean the bedroom, which has been a total sty now for longer than I'd like to admit. I swept and dusted, and finally went through the pile of stuff that has been accumulating next to the dresser and behind the door. Seeing that every day always made me feel crappy, so it made a HUGE difference to see it all gone, stored away or thrown out. I even washed a "new" comforter that we inherited from my aunt and uncle to replace the ratty one we've been using for way too long, AND washed out the cat's litter boxes and cleaned up their area. On top of that, I did a load of laundry, so by the time I finished I was super sweaty. I'm telling you, housework is the best exercise—plus you get things that need to be done taken care of!

Today has gone pretty well so far. I had a PB&J sandwich for breakfast, and brought some black beans with me to have for lunch. I've been drinking my water, too. I'm not sure what we are having for dinner; it may involve take-out of some kind but I promise that I will try hard to make decent choices.

I just want to get back under 320 again, for now. I'm doing it.

Uh-oh.

So, there were cupcakes at work. With orange frosting.

The cupcakes won.

(I tracked them, at least! But they totally won. Reason #3287 that skipping a meal is a very bad idea.)

Yikes!

So, it's been a while. Hey!

I braved the scale for the first time in maybe about a week? I knew it was going to be bad news, which is why I'm saying that I "braved" it... and I was right. I'm up to 327.6 today, way over the 320 threshold I was trying to stick around.

It's no surprise, though, considering how I've been eating these days. I got back on an ice cream kick and I guarantee you that's where the seven or so extra pounds came from. I was eating ice cream, a big bowl of it, once (maybe even twice) a day. I mean, duh, right? I am also pretty certain that once I cut out that sort of crap behavior the weight should come off fairly quickly, knowing how my body works.

All I know is, I am GLAD I got on the scale today because now I can do something about it. My plan today is a simple one, and it is just for today—because that is what I know I can do right now. I am not talking about a week, or a month. A day, that's today. Today I weighed myself (step one), I am drinking at least eight glasses of water (step two), and tracking my food (step three). Step four is staying within a certain calorie level, which is 2200 give or take.

So far, I had a weird-ish, not so great breakfast: a strawberry Coolatta and a egg and cheese wrap from Dunkin Donuts. The one thing I set up poorly for myself today is just not planning, not preparing things to eat at work today. So, I stopped at DD for breakfast, and I am planning to skip lunch (I know, I know—skipping meals=bad). But I do know what we're having for dinner. Steaks, baked potato, and roasted asparagus, so I can plan all that. Now if my meal tracking site would finish maintenance already, so I can enter my food, we'd be all set.

Actually, the DD meal could be worse. The wrap is small and not too bad calorie-wise. The drink is not great but there are way worse things out there, and to be honest I thought it was way worse than it is, about 400 calories. Nutrition-wise is another story, I know it's empty calories. But hey. Baby steps.

So that's what's going on.

It's funny how much your perspective can change with such a simple act. Just last night I was telling C. how "I just can't do it right now, I just don't have it in me..." about the weight loss thing. But that number on the scale man, it didn't really give me a choice.