Friday, April 17, 2015

I Have to Hand It To You

All hands on deck!

On one hand:

I am wearing a pair of pants in public that I haven't been able to wear in over 10 years. They're a size 22 dress pant from Lane Bryant.

I weighed in at 290 this morning! Lowest in a loooong time. Yes, the losses have been slow in 2015 but they are happening, and I am pretty OK with that.

On the other hand:

Eating is out the window today, which is fine but somehow it always bothers me even though I know it's just a one day or a one meal thing. I should really just get over it and enjoy, why not? Jelly beans for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, my favorite pizza for dinner. Ugh, I know. Silly, like a kid with no supervision.

On still another hand:

Tomorrow will be full of activity, including my 5K training group workout – 40 minutes running straight! PLUS going on a light hike somewhere with my partner afterward. I get to use my new hiking shoes! I also plan to get back to business, eating-wise.

Get the balance right.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Not-So-Deep Thoughts

1. I had more Erbert and Gerbert's after my last post and got a full sandwich. Oh my god, NOT NECESSARY! I always think it is, but it totally isn't. Halfsies for me all the way.

2. I wrote this a couple weeks ago and forgot to share it here. It's my running story, short version.

3. Weird little physical things I'm noticing: My fingers are deflating! My earlobes are no longer pushed out like what happens when your face is fat! Yay!

4. Yesterday at our group workout, I ran continuously for 36 minutes. Holy crap! Yes, tears were shed when I completed that.

5. I'm really enjoying not thinking about the scale every morning – it's totally liberating. And now I have an extra reason to look forward to Fridays Saturdays (I'm going to switch my weigh day to keep me on track as Friday seems to have become a problem day for me. All these mind games!)

6. Signing up for races: Cinco de Mayo 5K in Lockport, NY; Run with the Rapids 5K in Niagara Falls, NY; thinking about this one and especially this 10K (still on the fence, but I love the Oatmeal and would love to go to the New Jersey race!).

Yes, I am thinking about 10Ks already!

7. Excited to get out hiking regularly again – I even splurged and got real hiking shoes, finally. They're Merrells and they're awesome. Waterproof, too!

8. Life is pretty nice.

9. Oh, and this song helped get me through a 7 minute run/30 second walk x 6 session by myself on Monday. "You can't, you won't, and you don't stop!" Nope.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

A Regular-Sized Sammy

Well, well, well. I am pretty pleased with myself today.

You know how I have that weird Subway thing? Where I get a huge footlong sandwich, chips, cookies... and I eat it all? This bad habit I'd formed made me feel like I wasn't capable of eating a normal-sized sandwich and feeling satisfied. Well, today, I proved myself wrong.

Let me back up a little to this morning. I want to share all the wins I had today.

I got up a little later than I'd hoped but did my 5K training homework, which, mercifully, happened to be a nice, easy workout of 4 minute walk and 2 minute run intervals. After what we've built up to lately, this was practically a cakewalk – in fact, the first run interval I went over by 30 seconds on accident! I ended up with a nice 2.5 mile distance.

Then... then. I went out on my lunch break hoping to get at least a mile, maybe a mile and a half in to supplement the morning outing. Well, I ended up going for two miles and I got myself a nice little lunch to take back to my desk. Again, it's one of those chain sandwich shops, but I really like the tomato basil soup, and the sandwich I got today was really, really good, so I don't care what anyone says: Erbert and Gerbert's.

Don't get me wrong. I love to support local shops and restaurants, but honestly, if a place has nutritional information readily available, that's the place I'm likely to patronize. I don't let this limit me all the time, but for the way things have been going lately, I'm trying really hard to be as honest and correct about my food logging as possible in order to stay on track. So.

Anyway. I ended up getting a half an Apollo sandwich (I added jalapeno peppers!) and a cup of tomato basil soup. This is about a quarter, maybe even a fifth of the amount of food I'd normally eat from Subway. And it was plenty. I had an orange for dessert.

As I write this, I am doing my best to make my way through the day without any candy, just because I want to see if I can do it. (As if there is a doubt – it's not like I am going to keel over if I don't have candy one day out of my life!) I'm playing a game with myself, similar to what I've learned to do while running: make it to the next landmark, i.e. a tree or a lamppost or a driveway. With the candy, it's been make it for the next half hour without any candy. Then I can have some if I still really want it. I've been doing this for the past hour and a half successfully. I'm going for it. I made some tea. Less than two hours to go.

(I had my usual wonderful oatmeal breakfast again – instant oatmeal with a banana, a tbsp of peanut butter, and a couple tbsps of Bob's Red Mill Old Country Style Muesli. It really hits the spot!)

Tonight we've got an old favorite on the menu for dinner: Thai Basil Chicken. It's really easy and really tasty, and pretty good for you. We just boneless skinless breasts and cut them into small pieces rather than use ground, but either way! I'm looking forward to that.

All I know is that it's nice to have a day or two when everything just feels good. If you can just slog through the swamp, you'll come to the clearing eventually.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Post-Easter Blues

Oh, jellybeans. I just can't quit you.

So, I don't celebrate Easter per se. But it's always fun to see the Easter candy go on sale in the stores after it's over.

Isn't it?

*sigh* Maybe not.

Yesterday on the way home, I needed to get a few things for the easy and yummy dinner I was planning to make – I think of it as a Mexican-inspired stir fry. Chicken cut into chunks, pan fried in a little olive oil, then just add a small can of corn, original Rotel tomatoes, and a can of black beans. A dash of cumin is added just before serving. It doesn't sound like much as is, but I tell you what – it was very tasty, and it's the type of thing that can be dressed up a million ways if you wanted to.

But back to the store. All the candy on sale! My favorite, jelly beans! Some chocolate bunnies. Argh. Half price. I got some, thinking that I will just pick at it, here and there.

Of course that is not a good idea for me. There is nothing wrong with having candy from time to time, but I don't need to have it so available, do I? Because when it is, I like to eat it. Sure, I'll log it. I'm very honest in my food log. That's great, but also, so what?

I ended up eating almost half my daily cals in candy today, which means less than zero left for dinner.

My plan is: have a reasonable dinner and gear up for a good day tomorrow.

Note to self: Must stop self-sabotage!

UPDATE! It's now post-dinner and I'm feeling better about things. We opted for Chinese takeout and I ordered a simple dish, a cup of chicken and string beans with no bells and whistles, just about a quarter cup of steamed rice, no eggroll. Fresh pineapple for dessert. Yes, I am over on my calorie intake for the day, but I also feel really proud that I turned the day around so that it wasn't a complete disaster. That counts for something in my book.

Now, onward.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I Am Ready

Yesterday was Monday. While most of us will grumble about a Monday, it is also the day that naturally lends itself to beginnings – starting a new habit, for example.

And with the start of the new week, I'm feeling energized and with a sense of renewal to my commitment to good health and fitness.

As you know if you've been reading along, I've been having a hard time with my eating lately. Exercise has been no problem at all, but the eating has been veering off the course I'd like to stick with – that is, not cutting foods totally out of my diet, but eating MORE clearly healthy foods like veggies, fruits, lean meats, etc. and fewer junky things. Lately, the junk has been winning more often than not.

But I really don't want to go back to my old way of living. I really don't. So I'm not going to.

Monday is a chance to reset and start over. I had a good day eating yesterday. I didn't feel deprived but I made sure that I watched portion sizes and the quality of the food. I plan to echo that today and I'm off to a good start.

Yesterday looked like this:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with a banana and a tablespoon of natural peanut butter

Lunch: Homemade black beans and rice (about a cup of each)

Dinner: Leftover BBQ ribs (4 ribs) and Kraft mac and cheese

Dessert: Macerated strawberries on a biscuit with whipped cream on top

Snacks: Chobani yogurt, an orange, and two mini cookies

Not too shabby. Not perfect, by any means, but within my calorie allotment and not bad on the macros, either.

Today's breakfast is the same. It's one of my favorites.

(a couple hours later)

Since starting to write this, I went and got some lunch. On the bright side, I went on a walk for it, just about a mile and a quarter. On the not-so-bright side, I did my weird Subway indulgence thing. The weird Subway indulgence thing always involves a foot-long roast beef sub with tons of veggies (I get spinach instead of lettuce, though!), a bag of Doritos, and three cookies. Yes, I know. Three cookies.

I was planning to have this for dinner, but I may abstain after such a big lunch.

Why did I eat so much? Well, part of me felt the license to. After all, I did a 2+ mile run/walk this morning, the 1.25 mile walk this afternoon, and this evening I have my 5K training group run, which will be another 3 miles or so of mostly running. With all those extra calories burned, my indulgent lunch fit into the day, but... I still don't feel good about it.

Plain and simple, I don't need to eat that much in any given meal. I just don't. I remember the way I used to eat McDonald's compulsively, and this Subway stuff is starting to feel the same. I should probably just not get it anymore, at least for a while. This is the kind of eating behavior that still lurks beneath my surface and it's something that I really want to get a better handle on. a. Subway is gross, I know. I'm always a little embarrassed that I like it. b. One of the reasons I exercise is so that I can eat more. However, that doesn't mean I can eat, like, everything. (Another reason I exercise is because I actually enjoy it! Truly! This is a thing that happened to me.)


This is not how I planned this post to end up! But it did. I tell you what, I still feel very positive about how things are going this week. I have a plan in place, I'm moving around, I'm trying to keep things in check but I am not beating myself up when I veer off course. Nope! Instead, what makes sense to do?

That's right. Get back on course.

It seems so simple! It really IS that simple. Here I go!

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Hiking Season!

Hooray! It's hiking season again... almost, anyway.

I took the day off from work yesterday and it was a lovely, temperate day. Later in the afternoon, we ventured out to Buckhorn Island State Park to see if we could get anywhere – unfortunately we couldn't walk far before it got way too mucky and muddy. There was one area where we could walk but not much more than a half mile or so. Still, it was nice to get outside together and breathe in the fresh spring air. I asked my partner to take a photo of me to commemorate the season's first outing.

When I first saw the photo, I immediately thought, "Ugh. I am still so fat." What an unfortunate response, one that certainly does not honor myself or my body. So I looked again, and I kept looking. One thing was, my clothes are getting pretty baggy. Another thing, so what if I am still fat? Of course I am – I still weigh close to 300 pounds, but really, so what? I was happy when that photo was taken and I was out walking and enjoying the onset of spring. What's not to like?

It then also occurred to me that while it is hard for me to see the difference in where I am now from where I started, that I had a photo of myself on our first hike ever from late last August. You can see that post here. Sure enough, I was pretty surprised to see that there is quite a lot of difference. I am actually wearing the same outfit, funny enough. I'm going to be really sad to have to give up those corduroys when the time comes, I tell you what. They are nearly falling off me now as it is.

Anyway, the comparison:

Those pants back in August just started to fit fairly comfortably, but you can see how they strained a bit at my belly. That is not the case anymore! If you look at the length of the pants in both photos, they're really getting droopy these days. I really should just save them for weekends or lounging at home at this point. The jacket fits much better, too!

This is why taking photos of yourself along the way is so important. Especially when you have a lot of weight to lose like I do, it is easy to forget how far you've come because, as I said before, you're still fat even after losing 80 pounds. But this new photo shows me that my progress is pretty awesome and that there is indeed a big difference in how I look and how my clothes fit!

It has been a rough couple weeks, but with the support of friends and family, I am pushing through. Things are going well with my 5K training, even with what felt like a really bad homework session this morning – it should have been fairly easy but ended up feeling like genuine torture. Still, I made it through and plan on taking an easy walk on my lunch break as well to get some extra mileage in – I've been doing this Running for Fun thing and it's really unleashed the competitor in me! For a while that Craig R. guy and I were neck and neck but I have since crushed him, ha ha! (Just kidding, Craig!) No, but seriously, it's just another tool that helps me get and stay more active. I love it. 

On another note, this week I made yet another adjustment to my program. I have been a daily weigher ever since I started back in May. Because I have been getting pretty discouraged lately at my scale readings, I decided to take the jump over to weekly weigh-ins instead. They will be on Fridays, when I normally go to Fleet Feet to check in for the Ton of Fun group. I tell you what, it has taken a big load off my shoulders, much more than I would have expected. I feel even better about my activity efforts and I am just as vigilant about my eating. Somehow I imagined that it would all go out the door if I wasn't monitoring the number on the scale every. Single. Day.

So we'll see how it goes. So far, I think it was a smart decision for me at this point. I need as much positivity in my life as possible. 

Monday, March 30, 2015


(I have also posted this in a couple Facebook groups I belong to, and on my "wall" at MyFitnessPal.)

Is it sad to let your desperation show? I don't even care. I need some cheerleading right now. I need help staying on track. I can't slip back to my old way of life. I just can't.

I have to admit, I guess I'm in the need for a bit of support. I feel like I am having a really hard time sticking to my calorie goals and I've been eating more junk since I've been back from my vacation – I had no problems while ON vacation, though. I'm worried that I'm going into the same direction I have in the past, when I get to a certain point and then... I get lost. I can't let that happen again. Lately my only saving grace has been that my exercise level has increased because of NoBo 5K training, which I love. *sigh* just feeling a little helpless here. All your thoughts are welcome. (And thank you in advance!)